David's Log, 2:38 AM

It has been an interesting 24 hours. I take that back, it has been an interesting week. This is the first full week of class which means 18 credit hours of reading, reading, studying, going to class, and more reading. Oh don't worry, there is more reading to come with the 600 pages of Soren Kierkegaard to read (and that is just the first book of 5). Seriously, I sometimes wish that I was an arts major of somekind where I could work for hours on a project rather than read for hours or study about Universal and Existential Generalizations and the scope under which they opperate.

So here I am, a Philosophy major who is attempting to double in English. if all goes well I will be free in May of '07 (free for more school that is). I have a ways to go if I am intended to go as far as I think that God is leading me to go. That was confusing. The major wears heavy upon me, and the work load will be strenuous. You cannot gallivant through Philosophy. It is a major filled with crawling sometimes, loneliness, and frustration.

In essence, I enjoy every moment because through the struggle of the mind Jesus often becomes easier to talk to and clearer to see.

I feel the need/call to climb the academic ladder to the top. Not because I want or need to be great. For different reasons altogether. Who knows, maybe someday I will be Dr. David Barnes.

Wait, that was scary, never say that again.


I guess I am in a very contemplative mood right now for several reasons:

• I had an intense set of dreams last night that has awoken some memories within me
• I am reading Beowulf
• I have a heart for my campus and ache for my fellow believers who have the appearence of being wrapped up in things that don't matter (Don't get me wrong, I am just as guilty and selfish. I see things within them that are present within myself that are disturbing)
• It is 2:30 AM
• I am reaching a point in the journey where the Philosophy that I learn and the Christian that I am are conflicting badly. I thank God for the core of friends I have that have beared with me in my depravity.

I have a passion that has been growing for years now but has finally obtained a targeted warhead. I am scared, in the midst of trials, alone sometimes, prone to depravity, and missing being with Jesus more. He is the best, hands and galaxies down. I praise His name for the grace he has shown to me. He is the best, greatest, most powerful, glorious, and awesome being.

So out of the abstraction, I dust off the torn clothing on my body, pick up by haggard weaponry, and step back into the ring. There is more suffering ahead, I can smell it. But you know, I realize that if I meet the pain alone, I will be demolished. If I cling to Jesus with all I have and all of His, it will be the sweetest season of my life.

Out of suffering, maturity and wisdom is born.

D <><